Singapore – Page 12

Not say I want to say, lah, but…

Fri, 21 Dec 2012

3 min read

I went swimming with two of my closest friends yesterday.

Our engrossment led my sister to say, “I see this is why you are not replying to my Whatsapp messages. You are hanging out with other people who don’t need to work today!”

Sour grapes aside, why I was so engrossed in swimming was because I learnt something very important and potentially life-changing.

One of my friends, who previously worked as a lifeguard and a swimming coach, told me, “Eh fatso, you’re doing the breast stroke wrong. You’re doing this,” he said and demonstrated what I was doing.

“You should be doing this instead,” he continued and demonstrated the correct stroke, which I subsequently tried and kept on practicing for the rest of the time we were swimming.

I don’t think I’ve mastered the correct stroke yet, but suffice to say, I could immediately feel the difference in my speed and efficiency in the water.

And all the time, I thought I was a slow swimmer.

So when I got out of the pool, I realised: What the f-awrawrawrawrawrawr, man.

I’ve been swimming the breast stroke wrongly for 22 years! It’s like speaking the English language wrongly and saying things like “in the society” and “an elderly” and having no one correct you.

How inefficient and backward is that? Shouldn’t we be utilising the respective strengths we have to inform each other of what we’re doing wrong to help each other improve?

So to this end, I’ve decided to start a regular feature in this blog (alongside my other regular “Shared Items” feature) called “Not Say I Want To Say”.

It’ll focus on the appropriate use of Standard Singapore English (SSE) so that my desire to blurt out statements like “Add value! Not value-add!” or “Take medical leave! Not take MC!” in conversations with people no longer needs to be suppressed.

NOTE:

I acknowledge that language can be fluid and meanings of words and styles of expression do evolve over time.

So besides pointing out the standard form of usage, I’ll also discuss the efficiency of the current meaning/expression and its potential for adoption.

Also, the name of the category itself (“Not Say I Want To Say”) is an expression in non-SSE which means “It’s not that I really want to mention it” – a qualifier that a speaker uses before saying something undesirable in order to ‘give face’ to someone else.

Why I am using it then, even though it’s in non-SSE? To give you face, lah… LOL! But…

…I’m not infallible myself, so do let me know when I’ve gotten things wrong too – I’d appreciate it very much.

“Skyfall” by Adele – ultimate National Day song!

Tue, 4 Dec 2012

1 min read

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Have you watched Skyfall, the latest James Bond movie? It’s awesome!

Regardless, have you heard “Skyfall” by Adele, the theme song of – jang jang jang! – Skyfall?

If you have or when you do, you’ll realise that “Skyfall” is, like, the ULTIMATE National Day song ever!

Observe:

A world in crisis: “This is the end”; “When worlds collide and days are dark” – check.
Propagating communitarian values: “Let the sky fall, when it crumbles/We will stand tall/Face it all together” – check.
The watchful eye of Big Brother: “Where you go I go,/What you see I see” – check.
The strangely nurturing yet protective might of defence forces: “I know I’ll never be me, without the security/Of your loving arms/Keeping me from harm/Put your hand in my hand/And we’ll stand” – check.

BONUS: A not-so-subtle reference to ‘ponding’ in “I’ve drowned”.

Guess we know who to hire next year to write the National Day 2013 theme song!

P.S. Just discovered a really awesome mash-up: Adele’s “Skyfall” and Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”.

POSKOD.SG: Ten Steps to Effective Driving

Mon, 26 Nov 2012

2 min read

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My latest article on POSKOD.SG.

Ten Steps to Effective Driving.
A guide to burning up the road. (Mostly burning.)

In addition to having good communication skills, Singaporeans have extremely awesome motoring habits.

That’s hardly surprising: 12% of Singapore’s land area is made up of roads, so getting around speedily means that you’re gonna need to get your Ma Chi on faster than a traffic light turns green.

Before you do so, however, here are ten steps to effective driving, the get-out-of-my-Singaporean way.

Communicate effectively.
In keeping with our culture of communicative excellence, don’t use your signal lights.

Who invented them, and what are they for, other than to overwhelm drivers with useless information?

Alternatively, communicate in a betterer fashion by signalling a right turn but making a left turn instead.

Routine breeds complacency, and you’ve got to keep people on their toes – even if it means them keeping their toes on their brake pedal all the time.

Here’s a quick quiz to test your understanding of this:

Question:

You are approaching a junction. You plan to make a left turn into the filter lane.

There is a driver at the opposite end of the junction waiting to make a right turn.

Do you signal your intention so that he doesn’t have to wait in vain?

Answer:
No! Don’t demean him by assuming that he doesn’t want to wait for you.

Be flexible.
Jam on the brakes when other motorists least expect you to. Better yet – make abrupt U-turns.

Inject a little spontaneity into what would otherwise be a mundane and boring drive.

Here’s another quick quiz to test your understanding of this:

Question:
While driving, you realise you need to make a U-turn. What do you do?

Answer:

Stay in the left-most lane.

Jam on the brakes.

Turn your steering wheel sharply to your right.

Make the U-turn.

Bonus points if you signalled a left turn before doing so (in keeping with Step 1).

Keep a safe following distance.
One bumper width is fine, especially in land-scarce Singapore.

In fact, the closer you can get, the better – Singapore is all about motor-racial harmony.

Furthermore, personal space is an alien concept introduced by corrupt Westerners, and has no place in a society built on solid Asian values like filial piety, meritocracy and ERP gantries.

(continued…)

Category - Singapore