What if we invested in saving marriages instead of encouraging divorce?

(PHOTO: Zakaria Zainal)

Our efforts to destigmatise divorce may have gone too far. If a marriage can be salvaged, let’s teach couples how to give it a chance

Recently released figures from the Department of Statistics (DOS) show 7,382 marriages were dissolved in Singapore in 2024. I never thought mine would be one of them.

In December 2019, I was blindsided when my wife suddenly said, “I never loved you to begin with,” packed her bags and left.

(Continue reading the full article here.)

(Published as “What if we invested in saving marriages instead of encouraging divorce?” on 28 August 2025 in The Straits Times.)

Quality time, in depth

(PHOTO CREDIT: LAREMY LEE)
(PHOTO CREDIT: LAREMY LEE)

I thought I’d talk a bit more on the nature of quality time. (A primer here, if you’re not familiar with the concept.)

My take: When it comes to romance, neither of you is expected to give up your life for the other.

Your individual careers and hobbies are important too; you need to be whole yourself before you become part of a whole.

But the conventional wisdom is: if you really like someone, you’ll make the effort and give them time – in a reasonable quantity, but with maximum quality.

So you should be spending enough time together, and having a great experience while you’re at it.

At the end of the day, though, you can’t base relationships solely on what happens when you’re together. Because they’re also about what happens when you’re apart.

You still have to keep in touch – although this is subjective.

What is reasonable for some may be anathema for others; X may want an update every hour, on the hour, while Y may be comfortable with a daily summary.

This is where compromise begins, but if it ends there, then it is what it is.

And – as always – if it’s not happening, it probably ain’t gonna happen.

Quality time

You can’t base relationships solely on what happens when you’re together. Because they’re also about what happens when you’re apart.