“Zoe Tay” by The Boredphucks (c. 2002)

Sun, 1 Sep 2019
2 min read
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While migrating over to a new computer, I discovered I’d transcribed the lyrics to “Zoe Tay” by The Boredphucks (c. 2002) some time back.

I can’t remember why I wanted to write them out in the first place. In any case, I’m posting them here for posterity.

Enjoy, and leave a comment if there are any typos.

Zoe Tay
By The Boredphucks (c. 2002)

Late at night, somewhere on Orchard Road
You can find a girl called Elizabeth
She’s so fine, oh with all those groovy clothes
Lipstick, mascara – she’s OK
Electrifying everyone that passes her way

Canto pop, techno bop, she’s a superstar
Riding on in her sugar daddy’s sports car
Getting everything she wants in her special way
Erotic, neurotic – she’s OK
She’ll suck you dry in every possible way

She speaks Singlish like Zoe Tay
She’s illiterate but that’s OK
‘Cos she’s living life in a TCS serial
She speaks Singlish like Zoe Tay

Late at night somewhere on Orchard Road
You can find a girl called Elizabeth
She’s so fine, oh with all those groovy clothes
Armani, Versace – she’s OK
Firing up the catwalk as she passes your way

She speaks Singlish like Zoe Tay
She’s illiterate but that’s OK
‘Cos she’s living life in a TCS serial
She speaks Singlish like Zoe Tay

ADDENDUM: Sanjeev Veloo, former frontman of The Boredphucks, left a since-deleted comment with corrections to the second verse. Thanks Sanjeev!

Appointment of Ms Indranee Rajah as Special Advisor to the Ministry of Chindian Affairs

Wed, 25 Apr 2018
2 min read
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Wed, 25 Apr 2018

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

APPOINTMENT OF MS INDRANEE RAJAH AS SPECIAL ADVISOR TO THE MINISTRY OF CHINDIAN AFFAIRS

  1. The Prime Minister’s Office announced yesterday that Ms Indranee Rajah has been promoted to full minister. She will be appointed Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office, Second Minister for Finance and Second Minister for Education. She will also be appointed Second Minister for Law until 30 June 2018.

  2. The Ministry of Chindian Affairs approves of this and congratulates Ms Indranee on her promotion.

  3. The Ministry would also like to announce that Ms Indranee will be appointed as Special Advisor to the Ministry with effect from today.

  4. As Special Advisor, Ms Indranee will provide advice on the Ministry’s strategies to grow Chindian capabilities. Ms Indranee will also advise on the participation and engagement of Chindians in national fora and conversations.

  5. To celebrate this momentous occasion, the Ministry would like to announce a special, one-off holiday. This will take place immediately after Chindian New Year.

  6. As Diwali 2018 will fall on Tue, 6 Nov 2018, Chindian New Year will be celebrated on 1.5 days – from Wed, 27 Jun 2018 till noon on Thu, 28 Jun 2018.

  7. The special holiday will be celebrated from noon on Thu, 28 Jun 2018 till noon on Fri, 29 Jun 2018.

  8. Chindian Chap Goh Meh will be celebrated on Thu, 12 Jul 2018.

MINISTRY OF CHINDIAN AFFAIRS

(NOTE: This is satire.)

That feeling

Sun, 12 Feb 2017
1 min read
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That feeling when... (PHOTO: Daily Mail)

That feeling when all you need to buy is one – one – laundry net but you are stuck behind Man Who Feels The Need To Buy Everything In The Japan Home Store, in the only check-out queue manned by World’s Most Meticulous And Organised Cashier, who waits patiently for the same man to count out his cash to the cent ($107.90), while you have enough time to write and edit this post, including redundant and extraneous – tautological, perhaps – words, bearing in mind that the genesis of this sentiment took place some five – five – minutes ago…

…was how I felt this weekend when I popped into the shop for what I thought was a quick purchase, but which ended up taking 10 minutes.

No wonder, then, why AI is coming for everyone’s jobs.