- There’s More to Life Than Being Happy | The Atlantic
“‘It is the very pursuit of happiness,’ Frankl knew, ‘that thwarts happiness.’ This is why some researchers are cautioning against the pursuit of mere happiness… ‘Happiness without meaning characterizes a relatively shallow, self-absorbed or even selfish life, in which things go well, needs and desire are easily satisfied, and difficult or taxing entanglements are avoided,’ the authors write”. - What are the three ways to train your brain to be happy? | Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Sounds like mumbo jumbo pseudo-science, but for people who find that they’re perpetually pessimistic/down/depressed/unhappy, consider doing this. - Life Skills: Ivanka Trump, Thich Nhat Hanh And Others On The Things Everyone Should Master By Age 40 | The Huffington Post
Some things you learn in school. Others, you learn from experience. But some things can neither be learnt at school nor should they solely be learnt from experience. This list has most of what you need to know. - Google’s Quest to Build a Better Boss | The New York Times
“Managers also had a much greater impact on employees’ performance and how they felt about their job than any other factor, Google found.‘The starting point was that our best managers have teams that perform better, are retained better, are happier — they do everything better,’ Mr. Bock says. ‘So the biggest controllable factor that we could see was the quality of the manager, and how they sort of made things happen. The question we then asked was: What if every manager was that good? And then you start saying: Well, what makes them that good? And how do you do it?'”
- 37 Conversation Rules for Gentlemen from 1875 | The Art of Manliness
Relevant for both women and men, even in this day and age.
Author - Laremy Lee
This is somewhat belated, but I’m only getting up to speed on sharing the crazy things that’ve happened over the course of the last two months.
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Back in July, I received a message from one of the Checkpoint Theatre interns saying: “A call for you came in via the Checkpoint Theatre landline – it’s from [redacted], who says it’s a personal call and left her number [redacted]. I said I’d let you know”.
So I thank the intern and look through my phone book – I have four female friends with the same name but the number is not one I’ve stored.
So I am very wary because I know none of these friends have changed their numbers recently, and they won’t be such kookaburras as to resort to such a roundabout way of getting in touch with me.
So I cautiously call the number and wait…
She: Hello?
Me: Er, hello? Is this [redacted]?
She: Ah yes! Is this Laremy?
Me: Yes, it’s me.
She: Thanks for returning my call! I thought I’d give you a call because I read your article in Her World Singapore.
Me: OK…
She: The May issue.
Me: OK…
She: So I Googled your name and I came across the Checkpoint Theatre website and I thought I’d call you there.
Me: OK…
She: I’m actually from AIA Singapore…
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Many people – because I posted this encounter on Facebook – seemed to agree that she was “dedicated to her job” and that she should be given “points for [her] effort” at tracking down a new customer.
I guess… but I also thought it was a tad manipulative/unethical. Besides, can insurance agents do this kinda thing? Isn’t there a law against obtaining information in a certain manner?
In any case, my favourite solution is this comment from a friend:
Give me her number? I have IT solutions to sell to her. Hopefully she also has friends with the same name as well.
(For the record, I didn’t give her number away, though I was sorely tempted to lodge a complaint with AIA.)
So, many of my friends and loved ones have paired off or are pairing off.
I’m happy for all of them. Unfortunately, not all of them are happy, and some want out.
In a case like this, what’s the best way to decide?
The conventional decision-making process utilises happiness to decide whether to stay or to go.
That’s not wrong, but the focus is – because it usually tends to be on: are you/am I happy with X?
I’ve come to realise – from both conversations and experience (recent and otherwise) – that this question needs to be reframed so that we address the more pertinent issue at hand – that of added value.
Because the thing about love is that it isn’t merely about value i.e. happiness with X; the thing about love is that it’s about added value i.e. how happy X makes us feel about ourselves.
Assuming ceteris paribus – i.e. we’ve cleaned up our act and sown all the wild oats we need to sow, we’ve let go of any issues or people that need to be let go of, etc. – the real question we should be asking ourselves is:
Does X make me more awesome than I already am?
I’ve seen it in the friends and loved ones who are happy, and I’ve felt it for myself too: a good partner is someone who explicitly supports you in becoming better than you already are.
And rightfully so – if being with someone constrains you; curtails your development as a human being; turns you into a shadow of your awesome self, then is that person really good for you?
It’s applicable to not just love, but at work and in friendships and family relationships too.
For as hard as it may be, all of us will need to cut the strings to relationships that are toxic or stunting at various points of time in our lives.
In making those decisions, we shouldn’t let past happiness or promises of future bliss cloud our vision.
What we should be doing, really, is focusing on the fundamental issue of how much X will be able to help us grow.
And if that growth is going to be minimal, negligible – or even negative – then I’d say you know the answer for what you need to do to be happy.