A noble profession

Fri, 30 Nov 2012
1 min read
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While at the dentist on Wednesday (different dentist from the one I saw on Tuesday), the dentist struck up a conversation before taking a look at my teeth:

Dentist: So are you having your vacation now?
Me: Er… No, actually, I quit my job.
Dentist: What! Then I can’t treat you anymore.
Me: What! Why?
Dentist: Teaching is such a noble profession.
Me: Yar, but it’s tiring.
Dentist: Yar, actually, I’m quite tired too. Can I quit my job as well?
Me: Can – but only after we finish treatment.
Dentist: OK lah. So what are you doing now?
Me: I’m writing freelance.
Dentist: What are you writing? Novels?
Me: I make some ‘pocket money’ from journalistic-type articles but I’m focusing on creative work – poetry, plays, prose.
Dentist: Oh, OK – then I can treat you lah. You’re still educating the world.

FULL DISCLOSURE:

No nitrous oxide was involved in this conversation.

I also bought Dr Tung’s dental floss for my sister.

Dr Tung's Smart Floss

Privacy settings

Tue, 27 Nov 2012
2 min read
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Speaking in hushed tones

While at the dentist yesterday, the patient before me was speaking so loudly that the entire waiting room could hear what he was saying.

In other words: he needed to tweak his privacy settings.

What was he saying? These were some choice quotes from him:

  • “You all only work 5 days a week; I work 8 days!”
  • “I’m a divorcee!”
  • “So you’re doing this with your dad? (Dentist says dad passed away.) Oh I’m so sorry doc! (Dentist says dad passed away 16 years ago.) Oh I’m so sorry doc!”
  • “I’m 56 years old!”
  • “I like skateboarding… I’m a cowboy… I’m a rocker too.”

I thought it was hilarious so I posted this on Facebook.

In his defence (for whatever strange reason), my friends responded:

  • “Anaesthetics as truth serum.”
  • “Nervous lah – it’s the tension that’s making him talk!”
  • “It’s probably the nitrous oxide. You should try it sometime.”

I still felt he was talking too much without filtering what he was saying, though.

Not long after, I received this text message from my sister:

“Eh you’re at the dentist? Can help me buy Dr Tung’s Dental Floss, please?”

-_-

I think I need to tweak my privacy settings.

P.S. I posted my sister’s message – along with my opinion about my own privacy settings – on Facebook.

My sister hasn’t scolded me yet about posting up her orthodontic habits online for all and sundry, but if she does, I’ll blame it on the tension and the nitrous oxide.

POSKOD.SG: Ten Steps to Effective Driving

Mon, 26 Nov 2012
2 min read
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POSKOD.SG Graphic

Vroom vroom.

My latest article on POSKOD.SG.

Ten Steps to Effective Driving.
A guide to burning up the road. (Mostly burning.)

In addition to having good communication skills, Singaporeans have extremely awesome motoring habits.

That’s hardly surprising: 12% of Singapore’s land area is made up of roads, so getting around speedily means that you’re gonna need to get your Ma Chi on faster than a traffic light turns green.

Before you do so, however, here are ten steps to effective driving, the get-out-of-my-Singaporean way.

  1. Communicate effectively.
    In keeping with our culture of communicative excellence, don’t use your signal lights.

    Who invented them, and what are they for, other than to overwhelm drivers with useless information?

    Alternatively, communicate in a betterer fashion by signalling a right turn but making a left turn instead.

    Routine breeds complacency, and you’ve got to keep people on their toes – even if it means them keeping their toes on their brake pedal all the time.

    Here’s a quick quiz to test your understanding of this:

      Question:

      • You are approaching a junction. You plan to make a left turn into the filter lane.
      • There is a driver at the opposite end of the junction waiting to make a right turn.
      • Do you signal your intention so that he doesn’t have to wait in vain?

      Answer:
      No! Don’t demean him by assuming that he doesn’t want to wait for you.

  2. Be flexible.
    Jam on the brakes when other motorists least expect you to. Better yet – make abrupt U-turns.

    Inject a little spontaneity into what would otherwise be a mundane and boring drive.

    Here’s another quick quiz to test your understanding of this:

      Question:
      While driving, you realise you need to make a U-turn. What do you do?

      Answer:

      • Stay in the left-most lane.
      • Jam on the brakes.
      • Turn your steering wheel sharply to your right.
      • Make the U-turn.
      • Bonus points if you signalled a left turn before doing so (in keeping with Step 1).
  3. Keep a safe following distance.
    One bumper width is fine, especially in land-scarce Singapore.

    In fact, the closer you can get, the better – Singapore is all about motor-racial harmony.

    Furthermore, personal space is an alien concept introduced by corrupt Westerners, and has no place in a society built on solid Asian values like filial piety, meritocracy and ERP gantries.

(continued…)