On the occasion of my sister’s birthday

Chair Chair and me, circa 1985
Chair Chair and me, circa 1985

I think this picture best epitomises the relationship between my sister and me for the last two decades (or so) of our lives: she’s always been, like, “LAWEEE!”, and I’ve always been, like, “OK, shure, whatever: love and all that jazz – now leave me to my own devices (which, you may notice – coincidentally – always involves riding a wheeled machine), you Obesetron McPork of the clan McPork!”

So to my eldest sister on her 24th birthday (which makes me 21 – and hence, forever young): thank you for being the bestest Chair Chair in the whole wide world.

Thank you for loving me, scolding me (because I don’t listen to orders from anyone but you), sticking up for me, taking shit from our parents so I had it relatively easy, counselling me, listening to me when I just needed someone to listen, being my publicist and editor – I’ll stop here because the bottom-line is that you’re really fucking awesome and I don’t know what I’d do without you, or if I’d be the phatty I am today if you hadn’t been around to whip me into shape (round, that is… haha).

I’m so happy for you (and somewhat envious, though the grass is always greener for green-eyed monsters) because you’re in one of the best places of your life that you’ve ever been in, and I’m very certain you’ll be in equally good places for the rest of your pigletty, sio bak, char siew life.

Keep truffling, and then some, for as we’ve known for all our lives, if you ever want to “LAWEEE!” me, LAWEEE me for a bit, but then leave me to my own devices, because you know I’ll return from where I am to join you where you are one day.

In summary:




Muff-la,” she proclaimed proudly.

For whom, we asked.

“Santo,” she said, referring to her second-youngest grandchild. “Because it’s cold in Australia.”

Where did you get the wool from, we asked.

“It’s Baba’s,” she said, referring to our deceased grandfather.

So my very lucky cousin will get to wear this piece of diasporic Sindhi history around his neck!

But not in this way, I hope.