Quality time, in depth


I thought I’d talk a bit more on the nature of quality time. (A primer here, if you’re not familiar with the concept.)

My take: When it comes to romance, neither of you is expected to give up your life for the other.

Your individual careers and hobbies are important too; you need to be whole yourself before you become part of a whole.

But the conventional wisdom is: if you really like someone, you’ll make the effort and give them time – in a reasonable quantity, but with maximum quality.

So you should be spending enough time together, and having a great experience while you’re at it.

At the end of the day, though, you can’t base relationships solely on what happens when you’re together. Because they’re also about what happens when you’re apart.

You still have to keep in touch – although this is subjective.

What is reasonable for some may be anathema for others; X may want an update every hour, on the hour, while Y may be comfortable with a daily summary.

This is where compromise begins, but if it ends there, then it is what it is.

And – as always – if it’s not happening, it probably ain’t gonna happen.

Quality time

You can’t base relationships solely on what happens when you’re together. Because they’re also about what happens when you’re apart.

Essential reading for dating and romance

(PHOTO CREDIT: Laremy Lee)
(PHOTO CREDIT: Laremy Lee)

A friend recently revealed to me that she was in love-limbo – that is, deciding between staying put with her partner or moving on to graze on greener pastures.

To help with her decision, I promised I’d share nuggets of knowledge on dating and romance that I’ve found over the years – an essential reading list, as it were.

I realised, after pasting all the links from the Lare-pository of Wisdom (hurhur) into an e-mail message, that it was actually worth a blog post.

So congratulations, everyone! You get to benefit from the spillover effect/positive externalities of an attempt to make good on a promise – or collateral damage, as it may turn out to be.

  1. Choosing a partner (before you start dating):
  2. Building a good relationship (dating and marriage):
  3. Building a great marriage:

The section on “How to build a great marriage” is pretty skimpy, for obvious reasons (I haven’t reached that stage yet, although the plan is to get there soon).

Nevertheless, feel free to leave a comment with a link to your favourite article, if anyone has stuff they’d like to add.